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    Jumping Off The New Zealand Skytower

    Just the other day I was rummaging through my old photos and came across one I took during my visit to New Zealand.  It was a picture taken when I took a jump off Auckland's tallest building, the Skytower (192m).  Of course it was done with a safety harness attached to me .  I still have no idea what led me to do such a crazy thing as I have a distinct fear of heights, plus the $100 fee to attempt the jump didn't help either.  I guess it was because I wanted to face my fear smack in the face and embrace it.
     
     
    Well, the good news was my uncle, impressed by my brave and insane decision, decided to pay for the jump.  At the bottom of the tower I was full of confidence as my family cheered me on.  With reassured strides I walked into the lift which would take me to the highgest floor.  On reaching the top of the building a strange sensation suddenly came to me.  My legs were involuntarily shaking... my head started to spin in one direction, and then back the other way...and my stomach felt like it housed a swarm of butterflies .
     
     
    When I reached the jump-off point and looked over the top I instinctively ran back to the safety of the lift.  But then I saw a group of primary school children staring back at me and cheering me on.  *SIGH!*  Now how could I dissapoint them?  Going back to the edge of the tower I held on to the railing to prevent myself from going back.  I can still remember very clearly what happened after that.  The conversation between me and the man who was supposed to oversee my jump something like this:
     

      
     

    Man: "Are you ready for the jump?"
    Me: "No, but I'll jump anyway"
    Man: "This is what we're gonna do.  I'm gonna count to three, and that will be the signal for you to jump"
    Me: "Ok, but before that I want to ask you, has anyone died on this ride....?"
    Awkward silence...
    Man: "1...2...3!"
    Me: "....Have I jumped yet?"
    Man: "No you haven't...ok, let's count again.  1...2...3!"  
    Me: "Errmm, I don't think I can jump.  Can you push me off?"
    Man: "I'm afraid I can't do that due to safety regulations.  Tell you what, I'll lift you up and then you can jump?"
    Me: "Ok"
    Man: "1...2...3!"
    I jumped
    Me: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!"
    The rope attached to me suddenly stops moving
    Me: "Hey! Why did the rope stop moving?"
    Man: "Smile! We're gonna take your picture"
    Me: "Oh, ok do I have to pose or should I.....?"
    Rope is released again and I continue my fall
    Me: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!"
     

    Anyways, long story short the jump went well.  In fact, I so enjoyed it that they gave me a second jump for free.  Looking back, one important thing I learned was the importance of 'holding on'.  Duirng my ordeal...errr activity I didn't do anything fancy.  I just took a leap of faith and held on as tightly as I could.  Although my experience can't compare to the suffering and sacrifice of Christ, it made me think of Jesus hanging on the cross.  He had to go through all the pain and shame of bearing our sins.  From the time of his betrayal at Gethsemane to the time he gave up his last breath he didn't do any that seemed grand to impress the people around him.  He simply held on.  Even when they mocked him, beat him and nailed his hands to the cross, he did not fight back.  Try to imagine what would have happened if halfway through the ordeal he decided to come down from the cross?  He was surely capable of that, after all, he was the Son of God.  If that happened then you and I would still be unforgiven and have to pay the price for our sins.

     
    I believe we all have situations where we feel helpless.  In those times it seems like doing our best is never enough and the world seems to be sweeping us wherever it pleases.   It's in times like these that we need to 'hold on' to Jesus; to be unwilling to compromise on our godly values and to be faithful in the 'little things' we know.  In the same way I had faith that the rope wouldn't snap, we can have faith that Jesus will bring us through life's tough times and lead us to our destination.
     
     
    The reason I am sharing this is because recently I've had to put this lesson to good use.  As a recent graduate I'm currently in the phase of being a "full-time job seeker".  Despite my diligence in applying for jobs and making my resume as spic and spec as possible, this won't guarantee that I can get a full-time job soon, let alone a job that matches my skills and experience.  As a student my life had designated timelines.  I knew when my assignments were due and how long my holidays were.  But as a job seeker, I can't know when I'll be able to find that ideal job.
     
    My decision now is to hold on to Jesus.  Firstly, I'm making sure I don't compromise and continue to walk in humility with God.  Like Daniel in the Bible (Daniel 6) I will continue to be faithful in my daily things such as quiet time, attending church and caregroup, tithing (when I have money! ), discipleship and caregroup leading.  Secondly, like Daniel I'm also seeing this time as an opportunity to build my skills and character.  I'm asking myself what do I need to fulfill the Great Commission?  Such activities include reading books, studying for my Australian driving test, improving my guitar skills for ministry, and doing a personal IT project to develop new skills for my future employer.
     
    I'd like to encourage anyone who feels you're stuck in a rut or under immense pressure... hang on

    300

    Since I was a child I longed for what I termed "an honorable life and death".  To find something worth living and dying for, and to dedicate my life for the protection of others.  Even before the Bible was taught to me and its scriptures engraved upon my heart, strangely I had this desire.  Now that I think about it, perhaps it was due to all the recorded speeches of Sir Winston Churchill I heard during my stay in England...oh well.
     
    After seeing the trailer for the movie 300, I just knew I had to watch the movie.  Despite the story of Thermopylae being dramatised and historically inacurate, I couldn't help but be deeply inspired by it (If you'd like to know what really happened just search for "Thermopylae" at Wikipedia.com).  Of how 300 men, most of which who had wives and chlildren, would willingly and eagerly fight a battle they were destined to lose so that others may live.  There were a number of points in the movie that spoke to me:
     
    1. The Spartan attitude towards war.
    2. The willingness of the Spartans and their king to march into battle, knowing that they faced an almost certain death.
    3. The principle behind the Greek phalanx.  The emphasis of protecting one another.

     

    1. The Spartan attitude towards war.

    The movie was historically accurate that any Spartan baby boy born physically disabled or deemed weak would be thrown away or killed.  Other historical documents state that mothers even bathed their baby boys in wine as a test of the child's endurance.  As children of God we believe that all of us have been called by God and have a destiny in Him.  Every life is precious to God.  He looks at our heart and not our talents.  A willingness to serve and submit is the attitude we should have towards Him.

    However, what impressed me was how Spartan children were trained from a young age how to fight and submit to their leader's command.  Indeed as Christians we are fighting a spiritual battle with the Devil and the world.  The Spartans trained every day and aimed for perfection.  Furthermore, they knew their one purpose in life; to fight to protect their city and their families.   Have you ever asked yourself what is your one purpose in life?  Is it to serve God?  If that is your answer, then let me ask you, "What are you doing to fulfill that purpose?  Is your faith stronger than yesterday?  Is your Bible knowledge better than yesterday?  Is your character growing?"

    The Spartans also trained in handling their equipment so well that it became second nature to them.  They were each equipped with a spear, a sword, a helmet, a belt, a breastplate (although the movie depicted them bare-chested...I guess it was just to show off their muscles ) and a shield.  Sound familiar to you?  Yes, the full armour of God!  In the same way a soldier trains regularly with his equipment, we too as soldiers of Christ must train to use our spiritual armour (Ephesians 6:13-18).  Let me ask, how often do we use God's truth?  When was the last time we affirmed our righteousness with God?  Are our feet always ready with the Gospel?  Do we exercise our faith regularly?

    (Note: It's interesting to note that Spartan women were not excluded from physical training.  Every Spartan woman was required to undergo something similar to our modern day army's basic training.  They believed having a strong body would help them endure the rigours of child birth!)

    2. The principle behind the Greek phalanx.  The emphasis of protecting one another

    One of the battle tactics of the Greeks that made them such a formidable fighting force was a military formation known as the 'phalanx'.  In this formation, soldiers would line up in ranks, usually four to eight ranks deep.  In this formation, soldiers would lock their shields together and the first few ranks of soldiers would project their spears out over the first rank of shields (See Image 1).  Other civilisations had similar formations such as the Viking's 'shield wall' (Image 2) and the Roman's 'testudo' (Image 3).  Despite the difference in appearance, the princple behind these formations is the same; to rely on each other for increased protection.

     

    Image 1: Example of a Greek phalanx

     

    Image 2: A Viking shield wall   

    Image 3: A Roman testudo

    By overlapping their shields, Greek soldiers would be assured that their sides and front were protected, while any enemy that tried to charge into the formation would be faced with a forest of spears stabbing at them.  In other words, each soldier was responsible to protect both himself and the person on his left.  If any soldier in the front line was killed and the formation was broken, an enemy could easily pour through the opening and decimate the phalanx.  So important was each person in holding this formation that Spartan women would tell their sons before going into battle, "Come back with this shield or upon it".  This meant Spartans could only return to Sparta either victorious or dead.  If a soldier returned alive without his shield, it was assumed he threw it at the enemy in an effort to retreat; an act punishable by death.

    I believe the principle behind this is unity.  A verse that comes to mind is Ecclesiastes 4:12 "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken".  As Christians we all part of the body of Christ, each of us having our own skills and responsibilities (1 Corinthians 12:12-26).  One thing we can ask ourselves is, "Are working in harmony as one body?"  Is the work we are doing supporting our brothers and sisters in our church and caregroup?  When we're facing what the world throws at us, it's sometimes easy to give in to the pressure, but an encouraging word or even practical support given by a friend can really mean alot to us. Big things like losing a job, failing an exam, having personal problems with friends and family can be devastating.  Even the little things that irritate us like missing a train or being misunderstood can have a negative impact on our mood.  Yet in such times, isn't it great to know we have a spiritual family who will support and comfort us, and even more a perfect God who will always help us when we call?

     

    3. The willingness of the Spartans and their king to march into battle, knowing they faced an almost certain death.

    "John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends".  This verse kept running through my mind.  In the beginning the Spartans did not know how large the opposing army was.  Yet at the end of the movie when they knew they would face a most certain death, they did not retreat but instead fought on.  They fought on, knowing they could not win the battle they intended to slow down the enemy so the other Greek cities could have enough time to prepare for war.

    I asked myself, "Would I have the courage to do that?", "Would I be willing to die for a friend?".  This lead me to think about the love Christ has for us.  The 300 Spartans died knowing they would be remembered and respected by their countrymen, yet Christ died knowing the very people he was dying for were the ones who were crucifying him.  Let's remember it was our sins that placed Christ on the cross.  What an unconditional love Jesus had and still has for us... to die for someone who hates you.

    In the same way we should ask ourselves, "Are we willing to live and die for Jesus?".  The apostle Paul said "To live is Christ, and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21).  Do we have that same mindset?  Perhaps we shouldn't even go that far... are we even willing to sacrifice our time, effort and resources for God?  Jesus said, "Love your enemy" (Matthew 5:43-45), so I guess that means this love that we have should extend to the people we don't like?  Let's honestly think about it.

    Use Me Lord

    Lord my God I long to be,
    An empty vessel unto Thee.
    Lord I long to do thy will,
    And with Your love my heart be filled.
     
    You are God and I am man,
    Your will I may not understand.
    But this I ask, just hold my hand,
    And lead me in Your righteouss plan.
     
    Lord who am I to question Thee?
    A perfect God who set me free.
    Your ways are great and done in love,
    Your thoughts are deep and high above.
     
    So use me Lord and let me be,
    An instrument Lord used by Thee.
    Guard my heart and set me free,
    To be with you eternally.
     
    Amen

    The Prayer of Saint Patrick

    Christ be with me, Christ within me,
    Christ behind me, Christ before me,
    Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
    Christ to comfort and restore me.

    Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
    Christ in quiet, and in danger,
    Christ in hearts of all that love me,
    Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

    The Value of Time

    To realize the value of one year: Ask a student who has failed a final exam.
    To realize the value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
    To realize the value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
    To realize the value of one hour: Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
    To realize the value of one minute: Ask the person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
    To realize the value of one second: Ask a person who has survived an accident.
    To realize the value of one millisecond: Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.
    Time waits for no one.
    Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with people that you treasure.

    A story about Sister Lena (Hope Johor Bahru)

    Wai Hong and I have been travelling around Singapore and Malaysia while visiting some of the local Hope Churches in the area.  We had the priveledge of meeting different leaders and members from Hope Johor, Hope Melaka, and Hope Kuching, as well as a leader who was visiting from one of the Hope churches in Indonesia.  We were very blessed by their testimonies about how they came to catch the vision of the Great Commission and even more by their hospitality and life example.
     
    Sister Lena is one of the top leaders in Hope Johor Bahru who very kindly arranged for Wai Hong and I to meet Ps. Kwong Lie (the head pastor of the southern regions of malaysia).  She also organised accomodation and activities for our entire 3 days there.  I've met her before when she visited Hope Melaka to preach.  I've always remembered her as he lady with the strong voice and unique Malaysian-Australian accent (she sounds mostly Malaysian, but pronounces some of her words like an Aussie....eg. todie, yesterdie...you get the idea ).  Despite knowing her as a leader, I've never really had the opportunity to ask her about her faith in God.
     
    After exchanging the regular pleasantries (telling her she hasn't aged a bit since we last met 5 years ago, to which she replied "of course lah! ), we asked her if she could share with us her life testimony about how she came to join the Hope movement.
     
    "Sister Lena studied in Adelaide during her university years.  During this time she had a burden in her heart and prayed to God to find a church that had the same vision that was written in the Bible.  She ended up joining a charismatic church in Adelaide which had a very kind and loving pastor.  Despite being very comfortable in her walk with God, she did not feel she was living a fulfilling life.
     
    During that time, the Hope movement had not yet been started, but the Lord answered her prayer while she was visiting Melbourne.  During her visit, she attended the Waverly Christian Fellowship which was the church that our founder, Pastor Joseph was attending as well.  At the time he shared his heart with the other pastors there about his vision of following the entire Bible and fulfilling the Great Commission.  When sister Lena heard what he said, she was very impressed that someone from a buddhist country like Thailand could have such a powerful vision.  Immediately she knew this was the kind of church she wanted to join.
     
    After she graduated she returned to Malaysia and assisted Ps. Kwong Lie in establishing Hope JB.  However, after some time passed and she was married and gave birth to her first child, her priorities started to change towards raising her child.  Thinking with her mind, she made plans to return to Australia as life there would be better. "After all" she thought, "I can still serve God there."  Indeed, this was logically a sound idea, but after some serious soul searching, God reminded her of the reason she joined the movement in the first place: To fulfill the Great Commission.  From that day on it's been many years, but sister Lena is growing from strength to strength and still serving the Lord faithfuly as one of the head leaders in Hope JB."
     
    As a born again Christian, I believe the reason I chose to join this movement is because it has leaders that seek to obey everything the Bible teaches (not just to know it, but actually living it out as the centre of our life) and have God-sized vision that encompases the entire world, just as Jesus commanded us before he ascended to heaven.  From this vision I can see the importance of discipleship, of caregroup, prayer meeting and of sunday service.
     
    Indeed, there may be times that I am so busy serving that I forget, but everythime I think carefully and pray about it, the Lord always assures my heart of the significance of my role in His vision, and how fulfilling my life will be when I fully commit to Him.

    Don't fight the storm

    I looked the storm in the eye today, and did not fight it as I did before.  I do not have the strength or the power to do so.  Instead I avoided it, and let it be as it wished to be.  The weather can be unpredictable, and the climate every changing.  Only my Lord has the strength and authority to do so, and I pray he does so in his time.  The situation I'm in seems like a catch 22; fight the storm and lose, or lose something important to me.  I do believe the answers will come, so I wait.

    I heard a sad song

    I heard the notes of the song played a thousand times, and each time the soft and intimate pieces of melody built up to a sharp pitch that pierced violently into my heart. Such a rude intrusion could not be denied, yet I didn't completely dislike it. The emotions it brought out reunited me with past memories. First the emotions came, then the memories followed suit. I remember my history, my acts of desperation that led to solitude and silence. As the song continued, the words came gently. As pronounced as they were, I did not understand them, for it was in a language I could not comprehend.... until now that is. The lyrics were sad; of a lost love that wanted to be found. Of past regrets not resolved, past needs that were not met. Perhaps that is why I often felt a mingling sorrow in the past whenever I heard the song?   Though I could not understand it, yet my heart could feel the spirit of it.

    Love need not be this way I say. Though it does often happen in the real world, I no longer belong to that world. I left it a long time ago, on the same day I left my hopelessness and my sorrow behind. The love we are taught to cling to is fastened to imperfect beings, and thus leads to dissapointment. Yes, I believe it is true the things they say about love...both good and bad: The good: "Love makes you rise", "love can move a mountain", "All you need is love". The bad: "Only fools fall in love", "love is a mistake" "love makes you fall", "love leads to pain".   As humans, we can't deny the joy of loving someone and being loved in return. Yet neither can we deny the heart wrenching sorrow of being betrayed by someone close to our heart.

    Love in God is never hopeless. It has never dissapointed me. I believe 1 Corinthans 13:4-8a summarises it just nicely:

    1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
    4 Love is patient and is kind; love doesn't envy. Love doesn't brag, is not proud, 5 doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; 6 doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.

    I have never seen this kind of love displayed before, save from Jesus' act of dying on the cross, and in the lives of those whose hearts he inhabits.  It was this kind of unconditional and selfless love that first attracted me to the church, and it was this love that gave me the conviction to be more like Jesus.  The love of man has failed me countless times, and this is probably why love has such a negative connotation to it.  The love of God has never failed me.  Though many times I have felt far from God's heart, it was as I soon discovered, I who created the distance, not Him.  Why do I make this entry?  My answer: to never forget how essential God's love is to my life.

    Grandparent's 80th Birthday

    Ji Jian's Speech
    Good evening. My name is Ji Jian and as the youngest of the grandchildren from Australia I have the task and the priveledge of being the first to speak tonight in congratulating my grandparents on reaching 80 years. This occasion gives me the chance to pay tribute to Kong Kong and Poh Poh and say how proud I am to be their grandson. I have many fond memories of your great cooking, Kong Kong, in Malaysia and in Sydney that dad has always tried and failed to copy. I have always enjoyed the family trips here in KL seeing where I came from and getting to know you both.
    I thank God for both of you because I can see in my father and my uncles your values, principles and character traits that can only be traced back to you. For example, Dad's dress sense, unique sense of humour and his hair style that hasn't changed for as long as I can remember. I can also see your values of education, learning, hard work and the importance of family that I admire and it is because of this that I am the person I am today. I am sorry that I have not yet been able to converse freely in Mandarin but I'll get there one day hopefully. I enjoy talking to you Kong Kong, in Japanese and realise that what you said is true - learning a new language gives you a new window in viewing the world.
    Thank you for the influence you have been on my life not only through my father but also through your encouragement to learn and make the most of life.

    Ji Hao's Speech
    Good evening, I am Ji Hao. I am the first grandson from Australia. For me Kong Kong and Poh Poh have had a huge influence on my life, they have pushed me to strive for excellence in learning and in life. To this day they often tell me that anything is achievable through hard work. This I more potent because Kong Kong and Poh Poh have learnt English and Kong Kong taught himself Japanese. It is a blessing that we can converse in the same language.
    The stories of Kong Kong and Poh Poh's upbringing and life have affirmed my Asian background even though I have grown up in Australia. They have been a beacon of my past, my culture from which I enjoy. I would say that I live a priveledged life which can be attributed to the hard work and perseverance of my grandparents, and for that I am extremely grateful for.
    It is not until an event like this that we see what an involvement Kong Kong and Poh Poh have had in our lives either as family or friends. A reflection of Kong Kong and Poh Poh can be seen in each son and their families whether it be good looks, bad jokes or a mixture of both. I should also mention that Kong Kong is very lucky to have Poh Poh as they walk with God and life.
    Kong Kong and Poh Poh have done so much for this family they should be proud. And I know at times it has been hard, but such is life and you have persevered and prospered.
    So as we celebrate your milestone, stand tall for what you have accomplised and given to this family. I am proud to call you my Kong Kong and Poh Poh.

    1:41pm, Wednesday, 5th July 2006

    Today I ventured back to the old night market I used to visit every Monday.  I hadn't intended to go there at first, but a trip to the nearby photocopy shop made me pass by and spend a moment reminiscing a place I hadn't been to since I left Melaka 4 years ago.
     
    The place hadn't changed much with the usual layout of stalls.  I was suprised I could even recognise some of thevendors who must have been working there since I moved to Melaka 10 years ago.  The market lined an entire street that had been closed to traffic so the vendors could set up their stalls for the night.  The first set of stalls sold mainly fruits and drinks, and I was pleasantly surprised to see the lady who I often bought sugarcane from had expanded her business to sell bandung, cendol, lime juice and coconut juice.  All of her containers were new and even had printed words on them.
     
    As I passed a narrow pathway lined with fried food and vegetable stalls, I took a glance of the fried food (chicken, sausages etc.) that I used to love but have come to loathe (Ain't no way I'm going back to the heavy weight category!)  The vegetable sellers displayed their variety of green morsels for sale.  One particular seller had a much larger variety of vegetables than the others, yet even he looked like he lived a simple life.  I remember the Malay metaphor, "khais pagi makan pagi, khais petang makan petang" and realise these people were the personification of it.  In my younger days I looked down on them because I thought they had a small vision for their life, in my older days I admired them because I could see they lived a simple life and stuck to their values despite pressure from the world.
     
    Wait for me my friends, dear children of Parameswara.  For when the door is opened I shall rush in to share the Word of God with you.  But for the time being, I'll do my all to share His love with you through my life and my actions.  And I'll keep praying for you till then.  The Word of God says the Gospel will be preached to the ends of the earth, and I believe you will not be the least among us to hear it.  Until that day

    The Desires Of Our Heart

    I had been praying for something I wanted very badly. It seemed a good thing to have, a thing that would make life even more pleasant than it is, and would not in any way hinder my work.


    God did not give it to me. Why? I do not know all of his reasons, of course. The God who orchestrates the universe has a good many things to consider that have not occurred to me, and it is well that I leave them
    to Him.


    But one thing I do understand: He offers me holiness at the price of relinquishing my own will.


    "Do you honestly want to know Me?" He asks. I answer yes. "Then do what I say," He replies. "Do it when you understand it; do it when you don't understand it.


    Take what I give you; be willing not to have what I do not give you.  The very relinquishment of this thing that you so urgently desire is a true demonstration of the sincerity of your lifelong prayer: Thy will be done.


    So instead of hammering on heaven's door for something which it is now quite clear God does not want me to have, I make my desire an offering.  The longed-for thing is material for sacrifice. Here, Lord, it's yours.


    He will, I believe, accept the offering. He will transform it into something redemptive. He may perhaps give it back as He did Isaac to Abraham, but He will know that I fully intend to obey Him.

    A Prayer To God

    I wanted to say how much I want from you.  How much I wanted your wisdom and your love...  I thought I deserved your it from you, but I realise I don't have any rights.  I realise I don't deserve anything, let alone this unworthy life I live.  I can love because You first loved me, a sinner saved by grace.  Your blameless life exchanged for my hateful being.  How could I repay such a debt? 
     
    I know I've been asking you for so many things, but I won't pray anymore for the things I feel I need.  Just give me what You know I need, and teach me to be content with it.
     
    Finish what you started in me.  Strip me of the things I no longer need in my life so I can learn to rely on you and you alone.  Take even the deepest desires of my heart and teach me not to rely on them.  I know it's going to be hard to let go, I know my heart will break and sometimes I'll feel like I could die, but each time that happens, I'll hold on to you so tightly and pray to be only Yours.  I need Your work to be completed in my life if I am to fulfill the plan you have for me on this earth.
     
    Teach me to love those I find hard to get along with, for if at times I feel offened by them it means I still have pride in my life.  If I were truly dead to myself then I would feel no pride, and the fact that I feel pride means I still have my old nature in me.  Let my old self die Lord, and take over my being, so that I won't be so easily offended by others.
     
    Teach me to be more humble O Lord. Though people may disagree with me, let me not feel self-righteouss and insist on my way.  For their ideas may be better than mine, and I may find wisdom in their words.  And even if they reject what I say, it doesn't make me more or less than who I already am.
     
    Teach me to be content with the plans you have for me.  Let me embrace your plan for me and pursue it aggresively, never looking at others or comparing my achievements with theirs.  I know it is in my nature to be competitive, but let me realise it is the Devil who is my enemy, and not others.  Teach me instead how to relate to others with your love.  Let me be a man possessed by your love, willing to be transparent to those around me, and to use your word to train them up in righteousness.
     
    Teach me to have more faith, that I will not fear my future and try to control the situation to fit my personal agenda.  Let me seek first your kingdom, and believe that everything I need will be given to me, and it will be perfect.
     
    Teach me to be courageous and try things I have never tried before.  I know most of my life I have feared to do many things, yet you were always there to hold my hand through it all.  Let me step out of my earthly comforts and take up my cross, embracing the life you have set before me.
     
    Amen 
     

    The Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

    "O Lord, make me an instrument of Thy Peace!
    Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
    Where there is injury, pardon.
    Where there is discord, harmony.
    Where there is doubt, faith.
    Where there is despair, hope.
    Where there is darkness, light.
    Where there is sorrow, joy.

    Oh Divine Master, grant that I may not 
    so much seek to be consoled as to console; 
    to be understood as to understand;
    to be loved as to love;
    for it is in giving that we receive; 
    it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; 
    and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life."

    A Song From My Heart

    There’s a song in my heart,
    I long to express,
    A song in my soul,
    That I can’t suppress.
     
    I feel it so strong,
    I’m unable to speak,
    I can’t find the words,
    Though how long I may seek.
     
    A song of my love,
    A song of my praise,
    A song of submission,
    To all of your ways.
     
    I’ll hold my guitar,
    And play all the notes,
    So no matter how far,
    You can draw me close.
     
    I’ll open my heart,
    And say how I feel,
    I’ll tell you my fears,
    And try to be real.
     
    And once I am done,
    I’ll wait for Your voice,
    To speak to my heart,
    Above all the noise.
     
    I’ll listen intent,
    And hear all Your words,
    I’ll dwell in Thy peace,
    And rest in Your love.

    9th June 2006, Friday, 12:04am

    Maybe I want to be different from the world.  Maybe I don't want to follow what the world teaches me, and maybe, just maybe, living a life chasing after the pleasures of this world are just isn't enough for me.  I need something that will last forever, something that will never fail.  Money; will I always have it?  And even if I do, will it guarantee me health and happiness?  Power; though it may increase my self-esteem, will it guarantee me the respect of others?  Furthermore, what is power without control? I have seen one too many people spiral out of control simply because they could not handle the power they possessed.  Intimate relationships; indeed it is something tempting to think about, but will it grant me a fulfilling life?  In my life I have seen people chase after this but end up broken hearted.  They seek this pleasure simply for a cheap thrill that does not last.  To them it is merely a sensation, and in doing this they show a lack of respect for the person they are with, and contempt for their own life.
     
    To say that I do not desire these things would be a lie.  Indeed do need money, for who can survive without money?  Indeed I do need power, for what use can I be if I can't lead even myself.  Indeed I may even be married one day if it is God's will.  Yet none of these things do I live for.  Solomon, a man who had all the riches and pleasures his heart could desire said chasing after these things was "utterly meaningless" and said such an endeavor was as good as "chasing after the wind" (Ecclesiastes 1:2, 2:11).
     
    So, what is eternal?  What is worth living for?  You must be wondering now that I have rejected chasing after what the world offers, where can I look to my provision?  How can my needs be fulfilled?  Matthew 6:25-34 states clearly that we should not worry about our daily provisions, for we should "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well".
    Indeed there are many things I long for, many things I want, yet I believe everything I need is given by the Lord.  Does He not know the desires of my heart? And will He not meet them if I trust and find delight in Him? (Psalm 37:4)  Seriously, I cannot say I know what is best for me.  Thinking of such a thing for a long time would give me sleepless nights and an intense headache.  So this I will trust into His hands.  May it be according to His will, and may I not limit His plan for my life. 
    If you are reading this then I beg you, look to the Lord for your provision.  If you are an obedient person, then I encourage you to submit yourself to the Lord's way of life, and if you are a rebellious person, then I encourage you to reject what the world has taught you, and dare to be different for God.   
      
     
    Ecclesiastes 1:2

    "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." 3 What does man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun?

     

    Ecclesiastes 2:11

    11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.

     

    Matthew 6:25-34

    25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

    28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?' or `What shall we drink?' or `What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

     

    Psalms 37:4

    4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

    8th June 2006, Thursday, 10:48pm

    I'm thinking of all the people I know.  All those close to me and all those closer.  People in my family, people in my church, people in my unit, people in my caregroup.  If I had the power to give all of them what they need, rest assured I would do it.   
     
    I've always longed to serve someone or something greater than me.  I've always longed to sacrifice and spill my blood for a worthwhile cause, something that would last for eternity.  As someone serving a living God, I see the Lord's Great commission as something worth living and dying for.  It is the only vision I know that encapsulates both a big and a small focus.
     
    This I long for, this I will seek; to spend my days serving the Lord.  When I was called by the Lord to be a caregroup leader, I saw no option of turning back.  I counted the cost, and decided in my heart to go all the way,knowing the only thing that could stop me would be death itself.  This is my dream, this is my desire;  that every person in the caregroup and every person under my care can experience the full plan of God.  I pray the love of God will fill their hearts everyday, and that their joy will be evident to all.  Though they may be fronted by countless challenges, may the Lord strengthen them to overcome it.  May they learn to be disciplined and to rely on the Lord in every endeavor.  May they read His Word everyday and find joy in obeying it.  May their days be filled with victory, and their nights filled with stories of success.  May they be healthy always, and may they be protected from every sickness the devil can throw at them.  Last but not least, may my life not bring any limitations to theirs, and if I have any ungodly limitations, then let it be removed for the sake of the Lord's Kingdom.  They are the Lord's people.  May He prosper and grow them.

    What I Need

    I need what I need,
    I'm forlorn in this place
    I'm desperate for answers,
    That I want to chase. 
     
    I'm longing to be,
    I'm so longing to feel
    Something of the kind,
    A definite deal.
     
    So whole when I'm near,
    So sad when I'm far
    I'm needing a touch,
    I don't want to be far

    Use Me Lord

    Lord my God I long to be,
    An empty vessel unto Thee
    Lord I long to do Thy will,
    And with Your love my heart be filled.
     
    You are God and I am man,
    Your will I may not understand
    But this I ask, just hold my hand,
    And lead me in Your righteous plan.
     
    Lord who am I to question Thee,
    A perfect God who set me free.
    Your ways are good and done in love
    Your thoughts are deep and high above.
     
    So use me Lord and let me be,
    An instrument that's used by Thee
    Please guard my heart and set me free,
    To serve You for eternity.

    3rd June 2006, Saturday, 9:03pm

    A Good Instrument
     
    Being someone who has a great interest in guitars, I make it a point to evaluate every guitar that comes into my hands.  Honestly, there are just too many things to consider when rating a guitar that I won't even try to mention them here (eg. wood quality, string quality, string action, tuning peg accuracy...etc.).  Truth be told, a guitar is just a piece of wood with strings attached to it, but when placed in the hands of a skilled musician the melodies of heaven can resonate from it.  However, no matter how skilled a musician may be, he or she can be thoroughly limited by the quality of the instrument.  Imagine for example, if a guitar was missing a string, or even worse, completely out of tune!  Even Jimmi Hendrix or BB King would have a hard time playing a proper song!  Indeed an instrument without a musician is useless, yet it depends on both the musician AND the instrument to produce beautiful music.
     
    In the same way, our lives are but instruments for God's purpose.  We may have great potential but without God we are useless.  We can choose to be willing or unwilling instruments.  Ever so often the Lord wants to use us to do something good, but because of the sin in our life, a perfect result is not always achieved.  Sometimes the Lord may want us to do something good for Him, but because of pride or fear we make compromises and end up with a result not intended by God.  2 Titus 2:20 says if we can cleanse oursleves from 'ignoble purposes' then we can be a useful instrument for God.  Indeed this is my prayer; that the Lord would break me and mould me everyday so I can be a good instrument for Him, pleasing and easy to use.  After all, are not our lives but notes in a great symphony composed by our Creator?

     

    2TITUS 2:20-21 In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble.  If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.

    2nd June 2006, Friday, 11:39pm

    The Mystery Of God's Love
     
    It’s so strange how God can bring completely different people together to share a lifetime of love in such a short period of time.  Five weeks; that was how long our Japanese brother and sister, Takeshi and Aya spent with us.  I had never met a Japanese Christian before, and I was pleasantly surprised to see they had such sincerity and joy in their lives.  Little did I know of the struggles they faced in their medical exchange program in Melbourne because they had always greeted me with good cheer.  Furthermore, I found it a pleasant surprise that Takeshi and I shared a similar interest in pop music (especially 90's music), which is why I found it a joy to give him a copy of my most favorite songs before he left!  On that night he also shared his personal belief that unlike many of his fellow countrymen, he didn't see money as the most important thing in the world, and instead wanted to focus his efforts in caring for his future family.  I'll never forget seeing a grown man crying after we prayed for him.  Truly he is a man with a soft heart.  I pray the Lord will bless him thoroughly and bring him to complete reliance in Him.
     

    NUMBERS 6:24 " ` "The LORD bless you and keep you; 25 the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; 26 the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace." '
     
    Some people spend a lifetime to treasure those around us, yet in five months such a close bond was made between them and us.  Truly there must be God, for what else could we use to effectively explain love?  Science had tried and failed miserably (hormones only explain emotions and impulses), and philosophy and stoic reasoning are but neutral tools pending on the premises used to reach a conclusion.

     
     
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